I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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