Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
