Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
