You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
