I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
