just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
