Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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