oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
