is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
