so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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