Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jerry, you need to find god
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
