also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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