When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
