I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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