i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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