why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize