Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
