bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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