eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
