Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
