I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i will never coherently bang her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
