I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
