why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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