In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize