Michael Bay diarrhea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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