I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i love accidental penises.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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