I wish life had little blips of pornography
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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