"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
