your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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