The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
