so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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