I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
