what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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