Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
