I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
