Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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