You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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