do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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