the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
