The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
