I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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