is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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