I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
