the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
