Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
