She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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