sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i now understand why vodka
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
