apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
