He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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