We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
