I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
