Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
