keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
