I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
