I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
