Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
two words: eviction party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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