I'm going to jail i love you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
