Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
