What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
