there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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