Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
