please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
