You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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