sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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