New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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