Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
