Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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