Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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