Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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