drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
