bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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