My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
