Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
