Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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