does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
