please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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